The Emotional Toll of Uncertainty
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard the phrase “due to these uncertain times. . .”. Uncertainty is everywhere. We long for normalcy to return, especially when every day feels like a journey with no destination.
You may be feeling more tired and disengaged. You might find it more difficult to make decisions or keep focus. Perhaps you’re noticing some moderate waves of energy followed by feelings of hopelessness. You’re not alone. This is your brain on drugs uncertainty.
In BC (Before Covid-19) times, our brains had many opportunities to go on autopilot mode—times when familiarity or routine kicks in and we feel safe enough to temporarily rest our fear response system. Think about your daily ride to work or cooking a favorite meal. You can complete these tasks without needing to be on high alert or focusing on every detail. It’s great that our brains are able to adapt in this way—we can cruise through the familiar while saving energy for a true threat.
But when the environment changes how we meet our basic needs, our brains go into the “let me figure this out” mode much more often. We can’t sit back and rely on what we know when we feel we don’t know anything. In this global pandemic, many are struggling to know where their next paycheck will come from, what food will be available at the grocery store, when they’ll be able to see family and friends, if they will have a job to return to, and concerns over loved ones’ health, even their survival. Difficult questions to face. But sometimes our efforts to can add to this emotional load. In other words, the obstacle is not that we have these concerns, but that we continue to look for answers to unanswerable questions. The toll of uncertainty is high. Is the toll of accepting it, rather than fighting it, perhaps lower?
In the mental health treatment of anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder specifically, we learn to recognize what cognitive behavioral strategies provide a sense of certainty. Then we explore how taxing these can become without actually giving us what we’re looking for. Common unhelpful strategies include:
- Catastrophizing: (thinking of the worst-case scenario as the most likely one.
- Checking: “If I lock these doors, I’ll be safe from harm—did I lock the doors? Let me check again so I can know for sure I’ll be safe. Maybe I didn’t lock it all the way; I’ll go back again…”
- Overplanning: “I found the answer to my question; I feel better. But maybe I should Google this again to make sure it’s right. Maybe there’s an article I missed or new information out there.”
- Mind-reading: “This person hasn’t texted me back in a while. Is this person mad at me? Let me think back over our past interactions to see if there’s a reason they would be mad.”
While these behaviors can make us feel better, the feeling of security doesn’t last long. They give us a false and fleeting sense of certainty that we’re okay. They also come at a high cost of stress, anxiety/depression loops, loss of sleep, inability to focus on the present, relationship disruptions, and more. How might our lives be better if we learned to plan an appropriate amount and then accept the uncertainty, rather than continually fighting for absolute certainty?
The good news is we are already very good at accepting uncertainty. Every time we ride in a car, we accept the risk of crashing. With every bite of food, we accept the risk of choking. Every new relationship could lead to betrayal and hurt. No one knows the future, so no one can be certain these things won’t happen. And yet we continue to ride cars, enjoy meals, and build relationships with others, all of which allow to survive and feel fulfilled.
Even with sudden change, we’re capable of adapting. And we can apply this strategy of accepting uncertainty to our efforts to cope with this pandemic. Our goals become the following:
1. Recognize when you are over-planning and trying to grasp certainty: Pay attention to when you’re spending valuable energy trying to predict what will happen and play out the details in your head. Notice how your breath changes, your shoulders tighten, or your thinking patterns repeat in loops. We may begin to connect this cognitive ritual to behaviors, such as over-consuming news articles, constantly updating your grocery order, or losing sleep to fears of how the virus and its effects will impact you. These behaviors are giving you a false sense of control at a very expensive energy cost.
2. Let yourself feel the discomfort of uncertainty: Sit with the anxiety rather than pushing it away. All feelings eventually pass, it’s the meaning we assign to them that makes them last longer. Notice the judgements you have. Use mindfulness practices to connect to the present moment while accepting that not knowing the future is a part of life.
3. Don’t ignore the things you can control: While there is much we don’t know about the future, there are many aspects of our health that we can control right now—daily exercise, healthy eating, our sleep hygiene, consuming alcohol responsibly, and laughing with friends and family.
4. You’re not perfect and that’s okay: Perfection and certainty are things we spend a lot of time chasing; yet neither actually exists. You may have days when you feel like a rock star at accepting uncertainty and days when it feels like a struggle. This balance is normal and okay. You’re not required to be the best version of yourself all of the time.
Yes, uncertainty is everywhere. But it always has been. You are more capable than you think.
