Here we are, a few weeks into the recommended quarantine and social distancing practices. I’ve talked with many folks who have experienced a sudden resurge of the dance between depression and anxiety. For many, it’s been a time filled with either complete overwhelm OR intense boredom—with very few balanced feelings in between. Though mostly a negative experience, one potential upside from having your life turned upside down is that we become starkly aware of our underlying emotional needs and, specifically, how awful it feels when they are not being met. We can use this time to gain insight into how these needs have existed for us throughout our lives. In this blog post, I take a look at a few key areas of emotional well-being that are important to notice about ourselves. My hope is that you can identify how each of these look for you and that you’ll be intentional in trying to meet these needs every day of this experience.
Meaningful Work
We need to engage in meaningful work so that we can feel a sense of productivity, fulfillment, and accomplishment. Right now, the term “productivity” may have many meanings for you. You are likely no longer going in to the workplace each day and, instead, are trying to manage your responsibilities from home. A feeling of productivity can also mean household chores, cleaning, organizing, or completing some sort of creative home project. Sometimes we can feel productive when we assist others with their work—for example, “I helped my child complete his algebra homework” or “I taught my daughter how to shoot a basketball.” Meaningful work allows us to see how we, ourselves, are contributing to the effort of solving a larger problem. This feeling of productivity improves our self-worth and allows us to feel fulfilled. We feel more valuable when we are able to provide value.
Social Connection
Take a moment to think about how human beings evolved. Our survival depended on how well we got along with others. When people in communities connected, they were able to share their resources and protect one another. From spending time with and connecting with others, we feel a sense of emotional safety—we are not in this world alone and don’t have to navigate life’s challenges on our own. (This is why social anxiety is so common; it can feel like life or death if we are not accepted by others!) In addition to deep and trusting relationships, we rely so much on brief, day-to-day interactions with others—holding the door open for the person behind you, thanking your cashier at the supermarket, waving to your neighbor as you pass by, etc.
These interactions, insignificant though they may seem, add up to allow us to feel that our existence matters to others. When we are suddenly without an abundance of these moments, we’re prone to feeling alone, uncared for, and empty. It’s important to remember that physical distance from others does not have to mean emotional distance. With technology, we are able to easily connect with others no matter how geographically far away they might be. It may feel different, but it’s up to us to adapt and be flexible in whatever ways we can to get this important need met. Check in with your neighbor across the street. Write an email to a relative. Facetime with your friends as you all have lunch together. Be purposeful in your outreach. Connections with others allow us to feel that we are not navigating the world alone, that we matter and are safe. In a world that feels suddenly dangerous, this is quite a crucial need for us.
Physical Movement
Though we’ve been advised to stay at home, we are not meant to stay in one place. When we move and get the exercise our bodies need, we’re likely to feel a sense of calm. And we feel empowered. These are two much-needed experiences in this global situation that’s made us feel the opposite. Exercise has been proven to reduce inflammation in the brain, promote feelings of relaxation and well-being, improve sleep, and ease symptoms of depression and anxiety (Robinson, Segal, and Smith, 2019). It was easier to get the activity that we needed in our pre-Covid life, so we may need to be more intentional in how we get this need met while we are homebound.
Rest
Rest feels better when we alternate it with activity, and activity feels better when we are getting appropriate amounts of rest. When you hear “rest,” you may immediately think of getting adequate sleep and relaxation time. These are important, but let’s also recognize the need for cognitive rest and reflection. So often throughout our day life’s demands require us to attend to things, have a response, or generate some sort of output. Incorporating times when you can pause to allow your senses to turn off and your brain to disengage allows you to function better overall. The skill of mindfulness is great for this! But that’s for another post ☺. This is especially important when we work from home, and the boundary between when we work and when we rest becomes blurred. Notice how this lack of a boundary can lead to feelings of overwhelm and lack of focus. Try to be intentional with differentiating when it’s time for work/play/rest.
Time in Nature
Our mental health balance improves greatly when we consistently spend time in nature. Numerous research studies suggest that spending time in non-threatening natural environments help to regulate our nervous systems by reducing stress hormones, calming the fight-flight-freeze response, and decreasing thought rumination patterns. Many researchers have even explored how time spent in nature could be considered a basic psychological need. (Baxter & Pelletier, 2018). At a time when uncertainty is everywhere and we don’t quite know how the stress in the world will impact us, we need to develop this crucial skill of grounding. Grounding is when we are able to connect with the present instead of being enveloped by unwanted memories or catastrophic thinking. For many, noticing the simplicity in the various elements in nature, and how so many cycles and beings work together to create a cohesive environment, can provide us with a much-needed sense of calm and connection to something bigger than ourselves.
These times are not easy. My hope is that you will pause to reflect on the psychological toll the quarantine practices may be taking. I encourage you to notice when you feel overwhelmed, unfulfilled, or restless, or when you have increased patterns of anxiety and depression. While these feelings are normal given the circumstances, we can use them to gain insight into our emotional needs, insight that can continue to serve us once we get beyond this pandemic. In other words, the wisdom we gain about ourselves now will be useful in our futures.
Take care of yourself!
Rennie Volpe, MA, LPC
References
Baxter, D.E., Pelletier, L.G., (2018). Is nature relatedness a basic human psychological need? A critical examination of the extant literature. Canadian Psychology, 60(1), 21-34.
Robinson, L., Segal, R., Smith, M., (2019). The Mental Health Benefits of Exercise. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/the-mental-health-benefits-of-exercise.htm
South, E.C., Hohl, B.C., Kondo, M.C., Effect of Greening Vacant Land on Mental Health of Community-Dwelling Adults: A Cluster Randomized Trial. (2018, July 20).
